you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
