i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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