You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
