i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
