ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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