i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Green mimosas i think yes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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