if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
