Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
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Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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