I forgot how hot balto sounded
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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