I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
