i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We're too hungover to prance.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
