what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
