i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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