Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
