i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i want to swaddle you in tequila
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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