Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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