something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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