people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
