What a fucking waste of an outfit
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just had sex on a roof
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
