He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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