I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
