I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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