we're blogging at a bar
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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