I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize