everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
