what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
