I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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