Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize