is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
