Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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