Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
