Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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