I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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