Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
