I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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