May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
