I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
