just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
