I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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