Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
