Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
