The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
