if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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