I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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