I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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