I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
