The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
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My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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