His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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