Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
