So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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