I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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