I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
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I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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