Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
