I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
