Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
