dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
