This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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