Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
