I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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