There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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