Yo dont text me then not text me
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
