Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
