I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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