He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
