I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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