My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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