I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
