So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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