I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
