I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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