3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize