Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
