Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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