She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
