Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Pants are for mortals
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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